Last year, we helped you get ready for Valentine’s Day by suggesting gifts for your coworkers. This year, we waited too long and the gift-buying window has pretty much closed, woops. Instead, here is a Valentine’s Day-themed sampling of our most favorite products.
What makes it Valentine’s Day themed, you ask? The color scheme!
Let’s dive in.
Red Two Pocket Folders (for Storing Your Bumble Print Outs)
It’s 2020, which means we do basically everything on our phones – including dating.
But sometimes you just wanna go a little retro, you know?
Take things to the next level by printing out your Bumble matches and laying them out in a paper patchwork quilt of possibility. There’s nothing like having a weird chess board of potential partners to really drive home how bizarre the world has gotten. Embrace it!
Plus, putting Brian’s picture right up next to Patrick’s will help you figure out which is more important to you: washboard abs or, like, a really good personality.
Pink Erasers (for Erasing Bad Past Dating Decisions)
Got your ex on your mind this Valentine’s season?
With our magic pink erasers*, you can just wipe those judgment errors out of your past. These erasers also work on lingering emotional attachments, I’m-not-sure-if-I-should-have-let-them-go uncertainty, and former in-laws.
These erasers do not work on children.
*Full disclosure, these erasers are not actually magic but are very good at erasing pencil marks.
Red File Folders (for Organizing Your Many, Many Romantic Options)
You know how, when you’re dating, you ask your romantic prospects to give you a personal resume?
That’s just me?
I don’t buy it.
Anyway, keep all of your romantic resumes in one place with these red file folders! Get so organized that you never mix your beaus up again.
Can’t remember the name of that one guy who got wine drunk at Dave & Buster’s and compared you to his mother? Check the file folder!
Or maybe you had the best time with that really cute cat-print skirt girl and want to remember where she went for undergrad before your next date. Check the file folder!
Hot Pink Hanging File Folders (for Keeping Magazine Cut-Outs of Hot Celebrities)
Sometimes fantasy is better than reality (or just less stressful and expensive). Lean into it this Valentine’s Day with your hanging file folders full of hotties you know you’ll never have to actually meet.
Give yourself a flirty mid-afternoon pick-me-up by rifling through your folders and checking on the beautiful faces of your unattainable crushes – hey there, Ryan Reynolds. Looking great, Margot Robbie. Oh, hello, Jamie from Outlander, you Scottish stallion.
Or, if you’re me, just sigh dreamily over dozens of Jeff Goldblums.
Red Envelopes (for Romantic Correspondence)
This option is less creepy than the previous few and an actual viable Valentine’s Day-related activity.
While the art of letter writing is rarer than ever, it’s still a universally romantic gesture. There are few things as intimate as pouring your heart out, in your own handwriting, into a letter that your loved one can reread and treasure forever.
If you’re going to take the time to bear your soul with pen and paper, go the extra step and wrap it up in a crimson envelope. Red is the color of love, after all – love and passion.
And what’s more passionate than painstakingly writing out your feelings and then waiting a week for the postal service to put them into the confused hands of your sweetheart, who sends you a text upon receipt that reads ‘did you write me a letter? lol what is this, 1935?’
Pink Poly Envelopes (for Airing Your Dirty Laundry)
Have you ever been accused of not opening up? Has a significant other ever frustratedly said, ‘well, Grace, I can’t read your mind’?
With these transparent plastic envelopes, you’ll be able to get everything out in the open right away, without having to actually articulate it.
Want to avoid an awkward conversation about how you make more money than he does? Slide your paystub face-up into the front of the folder and casually leave it on the kitchen table just before his morning coffee.
Don’t know how to break it to her that you’re tired of spending every other weekend watching her play disc golf? Type ‘DISC GOLF IS FOR CHUMPS’ onto a Word document in 72-point font, slide it into the envelope, and watch your passive aggression pay off.
Candy Heart-Colored Binder Clips (for Keeping Your Sh** Together)
Maybe this Valentine’s Day, it isn’t folders or envelopes you want, since your love life is in shambles. If that’s the case, we’ve got a solution:
These little guys are amazing for keeping random stuff organized, including everything from computer wires to cash to tents.
So who’s to say they can’t also work for your romantic relationship(s)?
We’re not sure how yet, but you’re resourceful. You can figure this out. And if you do, please let us know. We’ve got some people in our office who could use it.
How will you be celebrating Valentine’s Day this year? We wanna know! We love other people’s business. To see what we’ll be up to, check us out on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Or, if you have a question or comment, send us an email – Larry would love to be your Valentine.
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